If we carried out a survey today, we’ll discover that over 90% of married couples got married for the wrong reasons. Little wonder the rate of divorce is steadily increasing.
A woman was driving to the airport to catch a flight for a 10-day work trip, when she received an e-mail from her husband. This was was what the woman posted on social network, Reddit; explaining her husband’s unusual email:
“Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone.
Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my “excuses”, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his ‘document’, we’ve only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 “attempts” on his part.”
The wife who disclosed that she’s been with this man for five years and married for two years, also added that she thought the email was “immature and inflammatory.” Okay Pweebers, lets analyse this. Based on the wife’s comments and the husband’s sex spreadsheet, this was what I deduced from their relationship:
- Hubby LOVES sex.
- Wife’s loves her TV shows, her job and working out at the gym.
- If hubby had his way, he’d love to have sex with his wife, everyday.
- If wife had her way (she does kinda), she’d own a separate bedroom.
- Hubby is extremely frustrated and sex starved.
- Wife couldn’t care less.
- Hubby is at the verge of getting sex from someone out there who’s willing.
- Wife is punishing hubby for something he did (which we don’t know) by starving him of sex.
- Hubby may be jobless or else, he wouldn’t crave for sex that often (Because he’d be exhausted from work!)
- Wife secretly sees hubby as a loser.
- Hubby feels he needs that much sex to validate himself as a man.
- Hubby still loves his wife…at least they still go out for dinner; plus he wouldn’t be hurting that much if he wasn’t.
- Wife may be cheating or has a man out there distracting her. She may also be measuring her hubby’s standard with that of the guy out there.
Yeah…that’s pretty much the summary of this relationship. Two people who are supposed to be in love but their priorities are so way different that it’s killing their marriage. I feel very passionate about marriage topics like this because it’s such a challenge staying happily married. Married men and women need all the tips they can get to keep that sparkle in their relationship.
I’d like to take step by step, what I didn’t like about this story and what I thought should have been…
- The woman was wrong to have posted her husband’s sex spreadsheet on a social network. She disrespected her husband by doing so and created an avenue for her marriage to be mocked. This story went viral worldwide, and almost all the websites which carried it, told it to amuse the readers and not to empathise or teach. Marriage IS NOT a comedy show. Marriage is SACRED. The moment we forgot that marriage was ordained by God for mankind, was the very moment we lost it.
- I don’t care if this husband is jobless, a sex addict, or a loser. The fact remains that being with a man for three years before marrying him is enough to understand the kind of person he is. The wife knew this man loves regular sex yet agreed to marry him. Let’s not forget that marriage is an agreement. By exchanging vows, you’ve accepted to love and live with your partner, warts and all. What I see is a man who was desperately trying to reach out to his wife. What he was trying to say was “Baby we’ve only made love 3 times in one month. What memories will I hold on to for the 10 days you’re gone?”
- Apart from sex, this couple do not spend quality time together. The wife works out regularly at the gym. When she’s back, she’s sometimes too tired to shower off the workout sweat. She sits on the couch and watches her favourite TV shows, or re-runs or a movie. She barely sits through the movie before falling asleep…probably on the couch. Then the next day she’s off too work. What kind of relationship is that?
- This woman is busy doing everything except paying attention to her husband. This is one fact we must accept. Men love sex and feel validated as men through it. Women love affection more and feel validated through it. The moment a couple can balance this two things, they are on the road to a successful marriage. The truth is, if she had bothered to take a shower, she’d have felt invigorated and ready for sex.
- Another thing that eases tiredness in preparation for sex is a good massage. It just eases those knotted muscles and sets you in the mood. A nice glass of wine, slow music, scented candles…whatever puts you in the mood. Ladies, fight to keep your marriage alive. If you’re fortunate to be married to a man whose into you, like this man…love him back.
- Now if this man was being starved of sex on purpose as payback for a crime he committed, trust me; one month is enough punishment (for this type of man) because clearly he loves sex. Talk things out with him. At this point, he’s ready to reason with you on anything. Just don’t push him out there into the wrong hands. It always ends up bad.
- Lastly Reddit woman, if ever you get to read this, never put your marriage out there again. Nobody gives a f**k about your happiness. People are just there on social network to laugh and make things worse. Only a few will give you godly counsel which you can get from your pastor or church groups. I do hope you sort things out with your man. Take a day off and give him some attention. Good luck!
Look out for my next post. I shall be sharing with you all some wise nuggets I saw. They are tweets by Dr. Tony Rapu, a pastor at This Present House Church Lagos, Nigeria. Now this is the type of counsel, every married couple should be listening to.