The Nigerian Facebook community was thrown into deep mourning on December 10, when news about the death of a popular Abuja-based lawyer broke.
Roseline Udoh was well loved by everyone. Like I said I greatly admired her and planned to send her a friend request (but it skipped my mind) because we had so much in common reading through her posts. We both come from the same tribe. Chanel No. 5 is our favorite perfume. We both can’t do without the MAC Ruby Woo lipstick. We both love makeup. We both can pen down our thoughts brazenly like a skilled wordsmith and we generally love life.So what went wrong?
The news update we later got about her death was she didn’t slump in her home. Rather, she was coughing blood and drove herself to the hospital for treatment. She died on arrival. Was she terminally ill? Did she have cancer? So many questions left unanswered.
I stumbled upon a post she made in December 2016, on how she wanted her funeral to be. It sounded so Joan Rivers. I laughed, cried then was angry after I read it to the end. It’s as if she knew she’d die soon and tickled our hearts with her charming personality only to leave us high, dry, and yearning for more.
Rest in peace Roseline. Your death will never make sense to me.
What Roseline wrote about her Funeral…
Don’t cry for me when i am gone…
Do not shed a single tear because of me. Rather come to my funeral in your sunday best. Come with your bright make up and your brighter clothes; no black allowed at my funeral please.
Play loud music and dance the night away after i have been laid to rest. You may lay wreaths on my grave if it makes you feel better…but I’d much rather bottles of perfumes and chocolates, chanel No.5 has always been my favourite, and malteasers… A girl needs to smell good and snack up while on that journey.I’d love for my wake to be a fanfare; a carnival of sorts, you could pick a theme, something fun and loud and upbeat; The room covered with thousands of pictures of me smiling and living life to the fullest, that shouldn’t be a problem, facebook keeps a good record of all my smiles; thousands of pictures printed and posted all over the room, so that wherever you turn you cannot but see my face. I was always an attention whore in my lifetime, you certainly wouldn’t expect that to change in my death!Please… No wailers at my funeral! All wailer should be bounced! Aint no one upstaging me at my own funeral and stealing my thunder! I’m gonna be lying there in my pretty pink casket dressed in something bright and flowery and with my makeup on fleek! Please…for the love of God, do not let the morticians do my makeup…none of those brown clay and charcoal they put on people making them look like corpses(yeah i know, they are dead, but they mustn’t look it must they?). I’d love a professional to do my makeup; blushers, contours and bright red lips, oh yeah, I’d still love to be friends with ruby woo even in death. You could throw in some false lashes for good measure. And no cottonwool in my mouth, nose and ears mbok; its hard to look sexy with cottonwool in your nose.(lol)Did i hear you say ‘all is vanity’? Yeah right, but its my funeral not yours so I’m entitled to say how i want it to be,aint i?
I’d love for my friends, foes,family and collegues to all tell stories about me…none of those “she was such a sweet sweet person”. Keep it real people! Talk about my tantrums, talk about my mischiefs, talk about my adventures, talk about my shortcomings, defeat, strengths, fears and heartbreaks. No, dont let any guy that ever broke my heart speak at my funeral! Oby keeps a list of all their names and if any of them picks the mic to talk about what a great girl I was, I’m gonna get right up and give him a knock!Would it be asking too much to have an orchestra play while I’m being lowered into the ground? While my dear friend and brother Uzor sings Frank Sinatra’s ‘MY WAY’ to accompany the band(hopefully he’ll outlive me. Lol). No boring ‘Beulah land’ and ‘fading away’ hymns please! I’m not having people thinking about what they’d be remembered by and crying when they should be thinking about ME! Yes folks, its all about ME that day!
Can i have a pink heart on my grave rather than a white cross please? Not for any particular reason, id just love for my grave to stand out from others. You know how much of a drama queen i was in my life time, I’d love to take that with me when i am gone.
The after funeral party should be loud and crazy! More delightful stories about what an awesome person i was, and then of course there should be lots of food and drinks; y’all know how much i love food; please…don’t be cheapskates and pay a reputable caterer for that special occasion. I’d love for people to still be talking about the jollof rice they had at my funeral one month after.Do not cry for me when i am gone…, because indeed i lived life to the fullest. I made every moment count, lived outside the box, did my thing my way, tried to do right by God and man. True, i made many mistakes along the way but then who didn’t? But I’d love to think i left a footprint in the sands of time(even if just a toe), I’d love to believe i impacted my world even just a tiny bit. I’d love to believe i inspired one person even just a little, I’d love to think somebody smiled just because of me. I’d love to believe i was a rainbow in someones So if i did, do not cry or me when i am gone, rather celebrate , because i lived life to fullest and left my world a better and happier place than i met it!
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Dont panic, im not dying anytime soon!lol
Just felt this really strong urge to pencil down my thoughts for posterity to remember. I have been struggling with that for a while now but you now how it is when you just cannot shake a feeling off.
I plan to outlive most of y’all so fret not!
Her funeral arrangements…
Funeral arrangements for Roseline John-James Udoh Esq.
Location: Christian Cemetery, Guru, Abuja
Date: December 21, 2017
Time: being waited. Please stand by for additional updates