In front of a lovely looking house close to Spar in Lekki.
A woman, her house maid, a gate man and a small crowd of onlookers.
The beautiful house maid who was dressed in tight black jeans, a red spaghetti tops and a pair of roman sandals had a travelling bag by her and was holdiing tight to the gate.
She was in tears.
The handsome woman was dressed in a trouser suit and leather shoes.
She was irate.
The shirtless, slender and short gate man was trying to get the house maid to leave the gate.
The woman was hovering around both of them.
“Ashawo! Husband snatcher! Leave my house!”
She said as she clapped her hands together.
“I need my money ma.”
“God will punish you! You f…k my husband and you want me to pay you?! Trailer will kill you today today I promise you. My God is not asleep.”
The guard and the maid struggled.
The crowd watched.
The woman walked to the struggling duo and began hitting the maid on her hand as it held tight to the gate.
I walked to the woman and held her hand.
“Madam please stop.”
“No o. This girl needs to be taught a lesson.”
I gently led her away.
The small crowd watched. Smiling. Whispering. Two of them had their phones out recording.
Another older woman who had been watching joined us and began placating the woman.
I walked over to the guard and the house girl, placing my hand on his shoulder and pulling him away from the girl.
He resisted for a bit, as he huffed and puffed. I put more pressure and he finally let go of the girl.
She stood there holding the gate and wailing even louder.
“Bros relax. Let me talk to her.”
“Madam say she must to leave this house na na.”
The woman was still irate and was shouting at the girl even over the head of the older woman who was placating her.
“If she doesn’t want to leave, break her head. If Police come, tell them it was me that gave you permission. She will know who I am today! Bastard!”
Cars drove by. Some slowed down. Some sped up. I turned to the girl.
“Sister leave the gate and lets settle whatever is wrong.”
“No sir. I will not leave it until madam pays me the salary she is owing me.”
“How much is she owing you?”
“She has not paid me for January.”
The woman shouted from where she was standing.
“You are lucky I have even paid you for November and December. My one kobo you will not see. Harlot! Ungrateful fool.”
The maid cried even more as though the words of her madam were fiery darts.
“Pay you thirty thousand when the month hasn’t even ended? Thief!”
The maid wailed.
“If you open that mouth again there I will come and break your teeth.”
The madam charged towards her, the older woman and the guard stopped her, even as the crowd ohhhed and ahhed and stood there filming.
“Imagine this dirty girl. When they brought her to me, did she even know how to wear jeans? Smelling thing. Everything she is wearing I bought it for her. I travel for 6 months and come back and she is following me to drag husband. Wo. Don’t let me swear for you!”
“It is Oga that was chasing me, ma.”
The housemaid cried out.
“Shut your stinking mouth there. God forbid my husband chase you. You and your totten yansh. Prostitute.”
The woman responded in fury.
“I am not a prostitute.”
The woman moved like lightning.
Before we knew it she was beside the housemaid and give her a loud slap on face and another on her back.
“Who are you responding to?”
I pulled the woman away.
The guard stood there confused.
The housemaid wailed.
“Madam control yourself.”
“Tell the slut to leave my house.”
“She wants her money.”
“I am owing her nada. Not one fathing. One anini. If she doesn’t leave that gate. I swear I will get a rod and break her hands.”
“No need for that. Okay. Why don’t you go inside. I will go to the ATM, withdraw money and pay her. You don’t need this scene. See those people are recording you.”
“Let them record! Who cares. Let the world know that she is a common ho. Imagine this dirty thing. She will be wearing flimsy clothes around the house. Short short dresses. Showing yellow thighs and bottom yansh. Tempting my husband right, left and centre. The poor man didn’t know what to do with this Jezebel in the house. He was at home 24/7 with the devil. If he had work one will say he would have found a place to go to and escape her advances. But no where to go. As I have to to work and take care of the house, I had to leave my kids and my husband with her. I travel. Before I know it, she was f….g him. I come back and she is rubbing shoulders with me. If it was not that I saw the way my husband was withdrawing money from our account and then I saw the purchases of lingerie and all he was making with the card, I will never have been suspicious.”
“He bought lingerie with your card?”
“Yes o. Do you blame the poor man. This girl had bewitched him. Put something in his food.”
“But didn’t he know you will notice the purchases?”
“That is what I am telling you. It is Juju. It will seize your senses. You will be doing like a mumu. Infact he even transferred money to her account. I was like yeparipa. I quickly came back to Nigeria. Kept quiet and was watching her. She was caring herself like second wife. Cook she won’t cook. Clean she won’t clean. My husband making excuses for her. Even to greet me in the morning was a problem. And last night, I caught them in the kitchen. She thought I was sleeping and used her remote control to wake my husband from bed and drag him to the kitchen to f… k her. But my God was not sleeping. He has shown her for who she is. Demon.”
“It is not me ma. He has been doing it long time ago. Even before you had Anwuli. I wanted to tell you…”
“Hian! Shut up! Useless Togo rat. Shut up!”
The woman held her own lips together. Then she let them go, before she continued.
“Daughter of a she-goat! Eating Penis as if it is a banana. Vagina that has no conscience. May you die barren.”
The house maid began speaking. It was in Egun or some Yoruba sounding language and rose up in cadence like a lamentation.
Just then a debonair, slender and fine looking man walked out of the gate. He was wearing a flowing white kaftan on palm sandals. His skin was smooth and he had an authoritative mien.
He called out to the woman.
“Baby, it is okay. Pay the girl and let her go.”
She turned to her.
“Namdi, no o. She will not see my money again. Over my dead body.”
“I said pay her and come back in.”
Then he turned to the gateman.
“Go and put on the generator.”
The gateman dutifully ran in.
The man did not look at house maid.
She did not look at him also as she continued her lamentation in the yoruba like sounding language.
“What are you waiting for, I said pay her.”
The woman looked over at him.
“I don’t have anything with me.”
“Go inside and bring money.”
The woman hesitated for a moment, stared at the housemaid, hissed loudly and walked into the compound.
The man faced the crowd.
“Okay, you people should be going. Don’t you have work?”
One of the guys who was recording turned his phone to the man.
“No o. We be like you. Na to marry the kind wife when you marry remain. We go dey chill dey chop her money, dey f….k house girl.”
“Na who you dey talk to?”
The man stepped out of the compound.
“Na you I dey talk to. Wetin you wan do?”
“Say wetin you say again and I go give you the beating of your life.”
The man who was recording laughed loudly.
He then put his phone in his pocket and assumed a boxers pose.
“Oya fall out.”
The man stopped.
“You want to sleep in jail today?”
“I go beat you first. You go sleep for mortuary before I sleep for jail. Mister house husband, omodo f…ker.”
The crowd burst out laughing.
The woman walked out with some naira notes with her.
“Ashawo oya take your money vamoose from hia!”
She threw the money at the housemaid.
it fell around her.
She stopped her lamentations, bent down, and began picking the money.
it was then that the husband charged towards the man in the boxer pose.
It was half-hearted, like a feint.
The woman ran over to her husband and pulled him back.
“Honey, ah please don’t fight with these touts.”
“Leave me let me teach him a lesson. The fool doesn’t know who is messing with.”
The other men in the crowd laughed and said.
“Madam leave am na, make dem show am sometin.”
The other guy kept bouncing around, throwing punches in the air and laughing as he called out.
“Iyawo Ekute, leave your husband na. God wan use me take punish am today.”
She pushed him into the house as the house maid stood up and began counting her money.
“Leave me baby. Let me deal with him mercilessly.”
“Honey, you are way better than them. You can’t come down to their level.”
I stood there watching the irony.
Written by: Jude Idada/Facebook