My wife and I had been married 15 years and we had been through some challenging times like most couples. Our sex life was regular but my wife was never really willing to explore things in the bedroom and whilst I desired her to be more adventurous l accepted it.
I had bought some toys but she seemed aghast at thought of using them. I received a promotion at work and the demands of the role meant longer hours at work and often compiling reports late into the night. During this time I noted my wife gradually spending more time on the computer on social media mainly with her group of close friends. Over a 6 month period she stayed up later and later and I would tell her to come to bed but eventually fall asleep. Not long after this she told me her and a friend were going to another state to visit a work colleague. Given l was busy at work l thought a good chance to catch up over the weekend. So the wife went and returned and said she had a great time and caught up with some old and new friends so l was happy for her. She soon returned to staying up late and noticeably seemed consumed by her mobile. this continued and a month or so later I had a conference out of town and asked if wife wanted to come for the few days but she said she would get bored. So this came and went and it appeared my wife was losing interest in sex.
One day out of curiosity l decided to check the home computer and in checking the history l found the previous night an adult web site had been accessed. I didn’t think much of it but a few days later same thing so I asked wife and she said it was prob just a pop up she may have accidentally accessed.
The history log was wiped from thereafter. I could never see my wife having an affair but it began to eat at me thus l downloaded some spyware. The results stunned me as l found my wife was . I accessed emails and pics and found my wife had spent a weekend not with a friend but with a guy who she spent all weekend sleeping with. Explicit pics showed her being a total dirty slut and the guy was very well endowed and noticeably much thicker than I. He had also travelled and slept with her in our bed whilst l was on the conference.
I love her so much, I have forgiven her but the thought of it can’t make me go near her again.. I don’t know what to do, I am scared of starting over with another woman again or being alone.