If you didn’t read PART ONE, please click HERE to read. Then return to read this so you can best understand.
Mr Married-For-8-Month’s was almost so perfect in his response that I wondered if there was the need for me to say more. He almost said it all. Please one word before I proceed: If you’re single, don’t ever attempt to advise a married person on marriage. Trust me, you know NOTHING…absolutely nothing, until you get there. So with all due respect, in the mean time, take several seats, watch and learn.
This man who has been married for 8 months may have gathered such wisdom about marriage in such a short time because he was humble enough to remain teachable in the spirit as a Christian and I can sense that the marriage counselling unit in his church is SOLID…something most so-called Pentecostal churches do not have and end up getting a lot of young couples in a mess after they are married.
Now, let me stress this clearly. This woman’s husband was hiding under being an usher in the church to give the impression that he’s a believer. He had a secret life…his love for pornography. But on the outside, he’s the perfect Christian brother. If you are not a believer, and you love watching porn…well, I won’t judge you. But if you are TRULY born again and you come here to argue with me that you see nothing wrong with porn, then you need deliverance, period!
Porn sex isn’t realistic sex. That isn’t how God designed sex. What you see when you watch pornography is a distorted version of sex bastardized by the devil to trap you mentally and emotionally. Sex is exhilarating and leaves you satisfied and fulfilled in the end. Porn sex gives you temporary relief and leaves you wanting more and more without any true satisfaction.
Porn sex gratifies only the male and his pleasure is mostly derived from seeing the pain, hurt and discomfort the woman is subjected to. Look at the male’s expression while at it. It’s blank. He is almost always silent and maintains a business-as-usual body language. While the female is shouting, screaming, and ‘ooohing’ and ‘ahhhing’ all over the place…possibly more out of pain than pleasure.
You hardly see the female having an orgasm…a few fake squirts here and there. But what you see which is the highlight of all that unrealistic drama is the male orgasm. The females would rush under his penis looking like a traveller in the desert who hasn’t had a drop of water touch his lips for more than three days. The female is made to swallow the semen squirted into her mouth or lick off semen sprayed on her face in what is popularly called a ‘bukkake.’
Pornography has long distorted the males fantasy of how sex really ought to be and for the fake Christian brother pretending to obey church restrictions on intimacy, his curiosity is heightened. The fastest way to satisfy all the nagging questions the marriage counselling unit feel ‘too holy’ to break down to him about his sexuality is to turn to watching hour-long lectures from the devil himself. This mentality follows them into marriage and destroys the very foundation of their union.
The mumu single girl who claims that sex isn’t the bedrock of marriage got it all wrong because marriage was basically designed with sex at the foundation, where the male and female can give and receive physical pleasure within the confines of spiritual legality. Emphasis on “Give and Receive.” This type of sharing was to build our Christian spirit on the virtues of selflessness, unity and unconditional love. The bonus is procreation and gaining a special life experience through godly marriage. When we are dead, the bond breaks. There is no marriage in heaven. It is purely a physical union and sex is a huge part of it.
So it must be approached from both a physical and spiritual angle which might take too much time for me to explain. Sometimes, we get it all wrong because we get too ‘churchy’ about it. Hear the sister. She can’t give her husband fellatio because she uses the same mouth to pray. Where did she get that theory? Don’t even get me started on her calling it “mouth action.” Is this new term supposed to replace “blow job”?…Lol!
Christian women, biko…there is nothing wrong with giving your husband fellatio, if he wants it. You will not go to hell fire, if that’s what you’re scared of. It’s a way of bonding with your man and revving things up before the main action. If you don’t know how to do it right, don’t attempt it so you won’t bite him by mistake or spoil the romantic moment. Just tell Oga you’re not an expert at it but you’re willing to explore….within the boundaries of decency-ooo *draws ears* For example, anal sex is a no-no. There are other things people do nowadays that even as a child of God, the Holy Spirit will tell you is wrong. So don’t quote Peace Ben Williams to have said “Explore.” Explore with divine wisdom.
There are many DECENT sex manuals (NOT PORN) specially designed with the married couple in mind. How I wish Mr Married-For-8-Months had remembered the name of the particular book his church recommended to him. I used to own one. It included sensual massages, special sexual positions that enhanced mutual pleasure and increased the chances of the wife having an orgasm. The emphasis of the manual is always on bonding which godly sex is mainly about, as opposed to porn sex which is solely for male sexual gratification and sexual dominance.
But here’s a helpful video that best explains the best way to go about giving your guy fellatio…
So you see, there’s no shame in it. It’s even a decently dressed granny that is giving us lessons on how to do the thing…hehehe!!
To end it, during your courtship talk with each other about your sexual expectations in marriage. It will go a long way to prepare both of you mentally for the rest days ahead. Be open about your sexual preferences and fantasies. Both of you have a right to know if it falls in line with your principles or if it’s what you may want to explore. Keeping each other in the dark or pretending to be what you are not will only increase the shock factor that will start putting a crack in your marriage.
I recently heard on radio about another woman crying out for help because she desires to have three children, while her husband wants only one child after which he plans to undergo a vasectomy. The man said he had always desired to have just one from his youth, that he didn’t like all the noise kids made in a house. So what were they both discussing during their courtship? Was the woman never aware of this? Or was she in her desperation to be called a ‘Mrs’ thinking she could change him after marriage?
Christian courtship isn’t bad. But please save yourselves the stress by having all the relevant conversations before marriage to know exactly what you’re getting into. Marriage is an earthly contract designed to be unbreakable. Like all other contracts, you must read the terms and conditions very carefully before you sign the agreement.