I remember when I lost a dear friend. I was in great shock because I never saw it coming. Most times we lose a loved one; we never really see it coming. It could be through a fatal accident, sudden illness or even an illness the victim kept a secret because they didn’t want to “bother anyone.”
We they left behind are thrown into utter despair. First is the shock. Your brain is still trying to process what just happened. Next is the sharp pain that tears across your entire body as the realization begins to set in. Depending on how you process it, you will experience bouts of anger with your grief. Why did God let this happen? This is not fair. Why do good people die so soon? Next will be a mixture of guilt with your sorrow. Maybe I did not pray for my loved one hard enough. I should have spent more time with him/her. I never got the chance to do this or that for him/her. Why did he/she leave at the verge of my success, without a chance to enjoy it with me?
Some of us will still feel pain in the weeks to come but will burst out in occasional smiles or even laughter when we remember the fun memories we shared with the departed one. However, most of us will sink deeper in despair and not know how to snap out of it to live our normal happy lives again. It would seem like we have forgotten all about our departed one if we move on with our lives.
I remember falling into the second category of people. My mother reached out to me every day for months to help me snap out of it, but I kept shutting her out. One day she called me on the phone and yelled. She yelled. My mother never yells, so pushing her to the point of yelling was what jolted me out of my despair with speed. What she told me was this and it is very true:
Shutting my life down to mourn forever would never bring my loved back. The person I was mourning for would have loved me to be happy and make the best out of my life for both of us. Shutting out other loved ones who were alive was selfish because I put them in constant worry, not knowing how long I will remain in such a fragile state or what harm I might do to myself.
I think the real point of reckoning came when this friend I lost appeared to me in a dream. She never looked so beautiful. She looked so happy and glowing and she said she just came to check up on me to find out how I was doing. Then I asked her, have you seen your children yet? She just laughed casually and waved it off. She said, “They will be fine.”
“They will be fine?” I asked her. This was weird. When she was alive, these children were her life. Everything she ever did was for them. So waving my question off casually jolted me. Then she added: “Their father would take very good care of them.”
When I woke up, I told myself if she looked so happy and wasn’t worried about her children’s future, then who was I to worry? It was much later that the Holy Spirit revealed to me that by “father”, she was not referring to her husband but to God the Father. She already knew that God would only take her out of the equation if HE had a better plan for her kids. I caught the drift really late.
I don’t know who this is for today, but that loved one you lost would want you to take a proper bath, comb your hair, get out of bed, go outside, breathe in the air and appreciate life. Make the best out of your life for YOU and for THEM. Stop feeling guilt or anger over something you could never help. Allow time and love to heal your heart and keep your best memories of your dear departed in your heart.
May our good Lord strengthen you.