My 6-Year-Old Son Doesn’t Want To See Any ‘Fake’ Nigerian Santa
Harel and I
Okay, I think I’m in trouble!
I told my 6-year-old son I was taking him to see Santa and he replied with a frown on his face, “For what?” That wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. I expected him to scream his lungs out for joy and run upstairs to his room to get dressed. When I asked him why he didn’t want to see Santa, he said:
Harel: “You and Daddy didn’t build a chimney in this house. How were you expecting Santa to enter our house to give us gifts?”
Me: “Harrie, we can’t build chimneys in Abuja because it’s very hot here. But we can go out to see Santa.”
Harel: Lies. Santa doesn’t stay at supermarkets. He lives in the North pole with the elves and reindeers. They come down to visit children only on Christmas Eve and it must be down the chimney. And they say, “Ho, Ho, Ho!” Any other Santa is fake..like the fake ones that visit our schools with fake gifts. So I’m going nowhere.
Me: (still in shock and processing the facts, and thinking of a comeback that will counter his ‘blow’)
Then he starts crying and says, “Santa doesn’t like me!” I’m confused. Why can’t our Nigerian Santas just try to go the extra mile and wear extra padding to look like the real Santa? They don’t even say, “Ho, Ho, Ho!” I hiss in my head. Look at the trouble they’ve put me in now.Nigerian Santa today
When I was a kid, the Santa at Kingsway was big, soft and spoke with a British accent. He’d put you on his lap and ask you questions about school and what you’d love for Christmas. these days, they wear armed robber masks and scare the children. And the gifts they hand out are pathetic.How Nigerian Santa looked in the 70s.
Last year, I didn’t take the kids to see Santa for the same reason. I went to Shoprite where they kept Santa in a grotto. I asked to see how their Santa was costumed. They said I had to pay first. I told them obviously I was too big to sit on Santa’s lap. I just needed to peep and see if the costume was right because my kids will know if it was fake. The silly attendants still insisted I had to pay first before getting a peep. So I got upset and left.Harel last year
This year, I need recommendations from friends living in Abuja. If you know anywhere I can take the kids to see a very chubby-looking Santa with fat soft hands, please help a sister and point me there. This Santa must have a foreign accent…not Nigerian or else that Santa will suffer in the kids hands. They will tell him his life history.
If there is none, then I have to plan towards next year. As much as I dread oyibo cold, I’ll suck it up and travel abroad with them to see a real Santa. I don’t want a ‘recessionally’ costumed Abuja Santa to kill my children’s Christmas spirit.
I’m also hoping Lagos could produce an authentic-looking Santa. if yes, Lagos people should tell me please.
Who else is being tortured by ‘over-sabi’ children this Christmas?