It was an interesting & eye opening piece, but what drifted the attention of keen watchers was a comment from Toke Makinwa‘s ex-husband, Maje Ayida.
“Marriage by fire by force???
Sometime ago, a young friend of mine found herself in an abusive marriage. Initially, her husband never laid a finger on her, he let his tongue do the job. He called her all sorts of names and lashed out at her with foul words.
He would always dare her to pack and go and would always chuckle “let’s see where an old cargo with 3 kids like you will go; who will even look at you?”
She did try to leave a couple of times but somewhat returned to him after he came to ask her back; promising he would be a better husband. Then the circle of abuse will start all over again.
One day however, he went too far when he tried to strangle her for daring to fight back. Bruised and battered, her parents came and took her and the 3 children away. As they left, the husband jeered shouting; “old cargo, you and your children will soon come back begging, which man will look at you?” But this young lady had had enough and was determined never to return. She braced up to become a breadwinner and joined her sister in her factory.
It was while working in this factory that she met a man (he’d never been married) who fell in love with her and married her along with her 3 children. Old cargo??? So who was chuckling???
Women in abusive relationships face a lot of emotional manipulation which stops them from leaving. They are told they are useless and nobody will look at them. On their own, they are afraid of the unknown world ahead. They worry about the judgement of society and the stigma of being single mothers. The result is they “hang In there” until they they become profile pictures and Internet stories of another woman butchered by her husband.
Every woman in an abusive relationship needs to realize that being married by fire by force is not what true marriage is about… It is nothing short of self delusion to manage a bad relationship just to please society. You have to know your worth and believe that you are deserving of more. You are not an old cargo!!
There’s life after one bad marriage! Your self worth is not tied to one bad choice you made in a marriage partner.
When you have the grace to move on, do move on. You deserve more.”
Then Maje took to Betty’s comment thread and wrote:
“Would love to know your view of men in abusive relationships as well.”
To which Betty responded:
“@majeayida it’s a reality too. Men are too ashamed to share their stories.”
Maje married Toke on January 15, 2014 after dating her for a good, long 12 years. Then he went and got his side chick Anita Solomon pregnant about a year later; a girl whom he had kept an intimate relationship with for almost as long as he was dating Toke.According to reports he was still unrepentant and continued to see Anita to the detriment of his marriage. Toke left the marriage because she couldn’t take the humiliation anymore. So I’m wondering who was really abusive here and why the need to ask such a senseless question in public?
Maje Ayida, are you now playing the victim?