I love to do that a lot when I’m bored…and trust me, I still find time in my daily crazy-busy schedule to be bored.
So I took this test titled, ‘What is Your Darkest Secret?’ I expected some evil result like ‘I want to commit murder just to see how it feels’ or for some other psychotic stuff like that; but to my surprise, I got this…(pictured above)…and I’m like, ‘Really?’
I thought deep and hard to see if there was any truth to this. Indeed I found a flicker of truth. I wouldn’t confidently describe myself as a nymphomaniac. I would say, I was somewhere in-between a nympho and a frigid woman. If I were to draw an imaginary scale of 1 to 10, 1 being Frigid, and 10 being Nymphomaniac…I would say I’m a 6.5. But it wasn’t always so.
When I was under 40, I used to be borderline frigid. The reason is, I discovered the hard way that my womb is extremely fertile. Engaging in regular sexual intercourse would have resulted into gazillions of unwanted pregnancies. Did I hear you say what about protection, safe periods, etc? Trust me, most of my pregnancies defied all of that. So I grew to have a phobia for sex.
Most times in bed, I just froze like a cold fish. Different thoughts would flow through my head. What if I got pregnant? Could I withstand the trauma of an abortion, how would I cope as a baby mama? Would I be forced to marry this guy because I’m pregnant with his child when I’m not sure if he’s the one? All these thoughts would be wrestling inside my head and the little arousal I got from kissing and smooching will just fly out the window. I’ll quietly pick up my handbag and stroll back to my humble abode. Most of my boyfriends were upset with me and called me a tease. And do you blame them? Just when the guy is going in for the kill, the babe gets up and walks out like someone controlled by an ogbanje spirit.
I started delving into more intellectual activities to get my mind off sex so I could function. Slowly, I began to grow frigid and would almost freak out if a guy started to caress me. Toward the end of my University days, I met this guy who was so amused that an attractive woman like me had never experienced an orgasm because I was afraid of sex.
“Do you know your clitoris…”, he asked. “…I mean what it can do?”
“Well, I know how to locate it,” I stuttered a reply feeling very embarrassed. “Apart from that, it’s pretty much where it should be.”
“Hmmm…I see. You should try getting it stimulated”, he suggested. “See how it makes you feel.”
“I can’t.” I told him.
“You can’t or you won’t?” He asked.
I just couldn’t. Coming from my background, you hear a lot of don’ts when it comes to sex. So many things are a taboo. ‘Don’t let a man touch you’, ‘Don’t touch yourself’…you’ll go to hell fire. All these notions condition you so that when it gets closer to the time it’s legal for you to enjoy sex, it’s just so difficult to adjust.
But I wanted to know. Luckily for me I had this freak who was willing to teach me for free and without badgering me for sex. He was content handling his lectures ‘mechanically’, if you get what I mean. I had to locate my clitoris, attempt to stimulate it and see how it makes me feel. Then I’ll proceed to find out spots on my body which were sensitive to touch and guaranteed to get me aroused. But first I had to RELAX.
I was also lucky to be married to a great guy after that. We bonded both physically and sexually. Sex was great, I had pretty impressive orgasms during sex, but as the years went by, I discovered it could be even better. The more I understood my body, and trusted my partner, the more I enjoyed sex. One day, just like that…BOOM!! I discovered my G-spot and I had a real orgasm which made the former ones feel like mere tremors.
Now after forty, I’m more confident in the woman I’ve become. I know my body and my libido is steadily increasing to an 8. Yes, sometimes I actually want more…which is shocking for a woman who could barely withstand the torture of one round in her twenties.
Being forty gives women a sort of mental emancipation…like I’ve paid my dues being virtuous, I no longer care what people say or think of me. I’m purely existing to please myself. At this stage, you want to dictate what takes place during sex and sometimes even to dominate your partner in bed. For me, the fear of an unwanted pregnancy is totally gone and it’s like I have a free pass into sex paradise. I’m like a kid in a candy store. I want to taste every flavour of decadent candy and chocolate on the shelf. I want to binge on the candy until I drop. And when the high I get from the candy wears off…I want more candy!!
Early in the morning, few days ago, we had just finished making love and I gently pulled hubby back to myself and whispered, ‘I want more.’ He just laughed, stood up to prepare for work and said ‘Baby, you need to get me vitamin supplements if you want more.’
Ahhh…very important. Sex after forty needs a very healthy balanced diet, quality food supplements, dedication to physical fitness, and the desire to constantly update your bedroom skills like an app. At this age, sex not only is an instrument for bonding, it becomes a ‘destressor’. It provides mental clarity, serenity and creates that balance from all the insanity out there.
I better start stocking up on vitamins.