I don’t know why the universe wants me to suffer, but I guess there are laws of the cosmos which govern our lives in a way that allow some a run of good luck and others a run of bad luck. When it comes to bus journeys, the law of the universe is that I should experience as much discomfort and suffering as possible.
Whenever I get onto a bus, the sun always appears to be shining through my window. I’ll do my best to duck down and manipulate my body to avoid cooking myself to death. The journey to Mombasa, that long, horrific 9 hour journey, had me fighting against that giant fireball even though it was 93 million miles away from me. I ducked, manoeuvred, and tried my best to hide in the little space of shade that I had in my seat.
On arrival in Mombasa I went in search for food. I ended up at a burger restaurant and struck up a conversation with the owner, a 60 year old man from Manchester called Brian. He seemed like a pleasant chap, and he joined me at my table and we had a nice conversation. He then invited me to have a drink with him and his girlfriend that night, as well as another English bloke and his girlfriend. I thought why the hell not. It’s always nice to meet some new faces, you never know what you might learn.
We met at a rooftop bar and plopped ourselves onto a table where the boys could watch the Liverpool game whist sipping their cold local brew. Their girlfriends were to join later, so it was just us lads sharing guy talk.
Brian: “Let me tell you something about women”, he said in a heavy Manchester accent. “You may have the most beautiful girl in the world, but eventually you get bored. I’ve been with Christy 3 years now, that’s a long time for me. A banana may be a delicious fruit, but if you have it every day of your life, eventually you’ll want a peach”.
He then went on to tell me how many times he’d cheated on his girlfriend, and much to my surprise, how many times she’d caught him in the act. Why would a woman put up with a man who continuously cheated on her, is beyond me. Why a man would commit to a relationship when he’s obviously polygamous is strange to me.
I always feel people aren’t honest enough about sex these days. Couples will acknowledge something is wrong or missing in their relationship, but refuse to admit to themselves that their sex life has become a boring, routine chore. Instead of talking openly about it maturely and figuring out ways to spice things up a little, they cheat and start fucking somebody completely different with whom the fucking will become equally as boring as with the person they were previously fucking.
I asked Brian about this.
Me: “So why even have a girlfriend if you want to sleep around and try different people. Can’t you just settle with a banana?”
Brian: “The problem is, you see, there will be times where there won’t be anyone else available and I’d need to have someone. Christy is good as i know she’ll just blow me on demand. She’s obedient like that”.
So the reality was this 60 year old English man had moved to Kenya and had a 24 year old partner who substituted more as a sex slave than as an honourable girlfriend. At least the Africans of a few centuries ago knew they were slaves. The girls these days are clueless.
I’ve seen this many times on my travels. An old, lonely, desperate white guy holding hands with a young African hottie. A wrinkled bag of white trash caressing a young Kenyan girl whilst she obeys his every sexual command. It’s a depressing sight.
The truth is, African girls go for white guys for financial reasons. They see us as nothing more than a wallet on legs. An ATM with a penis. A big stack of money that talks. You listen to these guys speak, and they are completely in denial about that’s why their girl is with them.
Stupid White Man: “She loves me, she really does. She’s not just with me for the money, I know she has true feelings for me. She said so”, he’ll say with his boulder like figure and corpse like stench.
As we continued drinking, the girlfriends decided to join their masters. One was 24, the other 23. Their boyfriends 60 and 40 respectively. The 40 year old, a guy named Dave from York, was heavily overweight and unnecessarily abusive to staff in the bar. His girlfriend seemed really cute, innocent and nice. Seeing them together just didn’t seem right.
Whilst I sat there trying my best not to vomit at the sight of their tongues caressing each other, I realised I’ve seen this enough times to spot a pattern emerging and become a cold hearted cynic. Desperate perverts from the developed world who have the emotional maturity of a 10 year old child. They’ll arrive in a place like Kenya and wave their cash around as a mating call.
The girls themselves will feed them all types of bullshit to keep the cash flowing.
“I love you baby”, translates into “I love your money”. She said to Brian, “You’re so handsome” which means “you’re so rich, fuck me any way you want and take me back to England with you”.
I felt so sorry for these girls, particularly the one having to deal with the 40 year old hippopotamus jabbing his dick into her cum bucket every night. I saw the look on her face when he went to kiss her. She was obviously repulsed, but the dollar signs in his eyes and the sheer desperate hope of obtaining a British passport forced her into submission. She reminded me of Princess Leia in the Star Wars scene with Jabba the Hutt when he goes to kiss her.
As we moved onto a bar downstairs, the place was full of hot Kenyan waitresses. Just as a side note, Kenyan women are by far the most attractive I’ve seen in Africa. They have this exotic beauty that just reels you in hypnotically. I’ve never seen so many beautiful women in my life in one country.
I saw one cute waitress who looked around 21 years old. She was a small girl with a petite body and an angelic smile. I was captured by her beauty and said to Brian how attractive I thought she was. He then looked at me with a cheeky smile.
“You didn’t?” I said incredulously.
He closed his eyes and nodded his head.
“Yeah. I did”, he said proudly.
“You’re 60 years old, she’s about 21. Are you that much of a disgusting sick pervert that you prey on those that are young and vulnerable because you’re not mature enough to get a girl your own age”.
I wish I could tell you that I actually said this, instead I accepted his offer for a high five and a little part of me died inside. I decided not to hit on this particular waitress in full knowledge that she’d been sexually tarnished by a 60 year old British peadophile.It’s not just men that are guilty of this. I’ve seen old blonde divorcee types leave England broken hearted and come to Africa looking for a young athletic stud to satisfy their hungry, deprived sexual appetite. You’ll see them. Broken women in their 40s or early 50s kissing a young 25 year old African man. Oblivious to the fact the young men are not physically attracted to them at all, only financially attracted.
I got talking to a lady in Malawi who owned a hostel. She told me of an English woman that stayed with her who had recently divorced and came to Malawi and hooked up with a local guy. After plenty of “You’re so beautiful” and “You mean everything to me” the gullible fool succumbed and decided to move in with this man. One night, they were out in a nightclub where she got drunk and danced with another bloke, just for some fun. No making out, just dancing. The man she was seeing brought her back home, and beat the living shit out of her.
After much crying and consoling from the hostel owner that I spoke to, she decided to get back with him. “I know he loves me, I can change him”, she said. And so she got back together and the beatings continued.
One thing I’ve learnt from meeting so many people, is that when you listen to them bitch and moan about their life, listen to them long enough and you’ll realise entirely why it’s their fault. Listen to a man in England blame the economy, the politicians and the bankers for his lack of money whilst he downs a £3.50 pint of beer and smokes a £7 packet of cigarettes. The same with women who complain about guys mistreating them. Women will stay with men who cheat on them and abuse them, for reasons I just can’t fathom.
I shouldn’t be so harsh. Each to their own, I guess. I write this article just to let off some steam after being with these obvious peadophiles the previous night. There was a lot of stuff I wanted to say, but to say it would completely ruin the evening and cause unnecessary confrontation. It’s just sad to see things like this, as it’s almost a legacy of slavery. Living in a world where the human body is becoming commodified and abused by men who don’t have the brains to develop anything serious.Image Credit: AP | thecia.com.au | Reuters | investment backpacker | ourlegaci.com | laprogressive.com